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January 19, 2008
At Last
We're back to a winter wonderland! We've had four inches fall so far today, and hopefully it will double by nightfall. Richard and I just took our garbage over to the transfer station, using the wooded back road. The fresh snow beautifully contrasts the arching branches of the hawthorns, which grow in 12 foot high thickets along one farmer's field. Of course, four inches is nothing - this photo at left was taken on our drive up a mountain north of the city, where the snow is about four feet deep. It is beautiful up there, a place called Porcupine Ridge, and although we didn't see any porcupines, I saw a kind of bird I've never seen before, a large long-necked thing with a fat body like a grouse. We tried to take a photo of a flock in a tree, but it wasn't safe to stop on that narrow winding road. The snow is still falling heavily, but I might strap on my snowshoes and go for a walk anyway. It's the best time for photographs. So glad the world is white again. I hope it continues!
Posted by anita at 1:52 PM | Comments (2)
January 11, 2008
Winter Blues
Snow is falling, a fresh dusting over layers that have been building since late November. It lightens my heart to see the world so clean and white, shapes rounded, contrasts stark, trees elevated to mythic presences in the whirl of snowflakes. But looking out my window this morning isn't easing the ache in my head, the tension across my shoulders the way it has been. Maybe I'm spoiled, so much snow so early in the season. Despite more than a foot of snow on the ground, both Richard and I watch impatiently, hoping for that really big blizzard to obliterate all. Instead, the temperature fluctuates oddly, spectacular icicles form one day and fall the next, weeks of snow melt in showers just long enough to compress into an inch of ice on the driveway, hidden beneath the next week's new dusting. I think it's because both of us in our working lives are in similar fluctuations that we're feeling so dissatisfied with the weather. That we're hoping for cosmic intervention. A snow day.
This week has brought our tension to a breaking point. In the evenings, we've been watching weather reports, made hopeful by the forecasts for large accumulations. In the morning, our brief disappointment that the world has not disappeared in a wave of white is overtaken by anxiety about our jobs. Richard spent a day and a half curled in a ball of frustration on the couch after weeks of hard work resulted only in diatribes and betrayals. I spent the past several mornings on the phone, reassuring my employers that I understand their bottom-line motivations for considering layoffs and will continue to do what's best for the organization in the short time they'll likely give me to train my replacement while keeping the organization afloat.
Maybe they'll surprise us. Maybe loyalty and hard work are worth something to them after all. But stability is the thing, that increasingly unattainable factor that makes a less desirable job worth doing. I thought I had it with this job, but am resigning myself to the opposite, again. I've been trying to see it in a positive light—the universe forcibly nudging me to take charge, be a true businesswoman and step out of my safe, sensible administrative shoes into the high-heeled, high return but completely unstable role of contract designer and writer. But the thought that by summer I will once again be out of work, unsure of my next paycheque, does little to warm me to the idea of finally leaving the administrivia behind to do what I love. Sure, I'll still have some work, the writing and design I already do for this organization will continue, perhaps even grow. And I would only need to work part-time to make the same wage this job was paying before they cut back my hours. But is there work out there for me? The beauty of Poplar Road is also its drawback: we're on the far edge of nowhere. After a year - only a year and a half ago - of job-seeking and thinking I could do this very thing, only to have my hopes dashed and be so gratefully rescued by my current job, I know that my skills, tools, creativity and intelligence can only get me so far if there's nobody out there seeking the services I have to offer. Worth a try? Yes. But terrifying. And yet, I'm in limbo, because the powers that be haven't decided my fate. It was supposed to be yesterday, but no, not yet. So I'm watching the snowfall, dreading the start of my work day yet again, and waiting.
Posted by anita at 8:41 AM | Comments (2)
January 6, 2008
New Years Eve 2007
The image at left is a tree at the Wildlights light display at the Wildlife centre. We bundled up for the train tour around the park, then warmed up with some hot chocolate while admiring the wolf cubs, but didn’t stay long because minus 11 was too cold even with a bonfire. No, we didn’t end up doing one of our own, opting to stay warm and cozy in front of the tree and a good movie. We only managed to stay up 15 minutes past midnight this year, but we had a great night. I haven’t seen Richard this happy since the Un-Wedding. As you can see from the photos – thanks to Adrie for the great one of Richard and I – we couldn’t have asked for a more perfect holiday with our friends. |
Happy New Year! We had a fantastic four-day celebration with Ben, Adrienne, Chris and Dagny: the perfect amount of snow to play in, bright sunshine, a delectable prime rib dinner (we ate too well, surprise, surprise), and of course, reminiscences about the past year and resolutions for the future. |
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Posted by anita at 5:31 PM